Well. It’s going good… and it’s going bad.
Good news: This is the most committed I’ve ever been to anything in my entire life, let alone something I started at new years. I’m not completely paleo, I’ve flipped back and forth on it, but I’m ready to commit now.
Bad news: Despite the fact that I’ve been doing Nerd Fitness Academy workouts 3 times a week, and have now incorporated running/walking hills and spin class into my schedule, I am not losing any weight. In fact, I have gained 9 pounds, and only lost a couple of inches everywhere… in 4 months. *UGH*
On the flip side, I finally got in to see a gynecologist today for the first time, and she highly suspects I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Which makes total sense, and I can pin point the time in my life it probably surfaced. Unfortunately, this doesn’t make my weight loss journey any easier, since I’ve had this notion that at some point my body is going to realize what I’m doing, and the weight is going to start to fall off. On the contrary, I’m going to have to work twice as hard as I have been already, and I will see incredibly small progress. I’m not being pessimistic, just realistic. (and I’m a little bitter that if this had been caught 3 years ago when I had just started noticing issues, and had just lost 80 pounds, I wouldn’t have gained 60 back in these 3 years.) The last time I went to see my family doctor, and I complained about not being able to lose weight, she told me that I was so young, she wouldn’t want to put me on medication. Thanks. There is no way to treat PCOS other than medication. But no, she all but accused me of lying about what I was eating and how much I was working out. I have 3 months before I see my doctor again and she can confirm this preliminary diagnosis. Honest to god, I was hoping that she would just tell me there was nothing wrong with me, like every other doctor I’ve seen regarding my lady bits, even though I know there’s something wrong, deep down.
I’m not going to lie, I came home, did some reading on the subject, then took off my jeans and sweater and got back into bed, and cried. The fundamental reason for my existence has been shattered. I am broken. Even if we were trying to get pregnant right now, it wouldn’t happen. We’re not, but I feel broken. I can’t explain it completely.
Had a salad for dinner, and finished with a big bowl of ice cream. Tomorrow I’m going sugar free again. *sigh* I need to have something to show for how hard I’ve been working at the gym, and on my mental state. My BMI was 40 today…. That puts me into the category of morbidly obese. I qualify for weight loss surgery. I’ve dug out my Nerd Fitness Journal, and I’ll start journaling what I’m eating, as well as weekly weigh ins. *sigh*
Here we go